05/03/2014 02:30

It's All In Your Head


  Typically, my mornings would consist of energy-filled jogs which I enjoyed thoroughly. I was known to be irrational when it came to exercise; pushing my boundaries on the treadmill became a fun challenge for me as I strived to outrun each new record. I was also stressing quite a bit more than usual with back-to-school responsibilities and planning for the year ahead. My mischievous girls – who are a perfect mix of a Romanian dad and a Hungarian mom – have certainly left their mark of frustration on me. I could claim that they have no imperfections, but I figured I would be more appreciated for my honesty; While they both resembled the countenance of an angel as little girls, they certainly didn't always behave like one. Today I can say that they have grown into divine young ladies and I cannot describe the joy, gratitude, and honour of being their mom. 

    Once school was in full swing that Fall, parenting took a toll on me both physically and mentally. Each year, I made sure my girls enjoyed extra-curricular activities revolving around sports and music. This time though, keeping up with their demanding schedules proved to be a real challenge for me. There was very little "me" time, and I was struggling to maintain control over my household while anticipating a break-down before long. This madness continued for a month until our life had finally settled back into a routine. And then one morning I felt something out of the ordinary...


    The stabbing pain in my wrists and feet jolted me out of bed. I stood there feeling dazed and confused at the severity of this suddan pain I was in. I waited...until finally it dissipated and I headed to the basement for my usual morning run. As I began to sprint, I was nearly thrown off the treadmill by the piercing sensation I felt in both my ankles. This time though, I couldn't quite shake it off. And every time I tried to run again, the pain worsened - ending my workout very quickly. By now, I was purely irritated! I let several days go by to make sure that whatever this "injury" was, I would give it sufficient time to heal.     

    But, there were a few other things I noticed in the days following: I would wake up uncommonly groggy and unrefreshed - even though I slept adequate hours each night. So, naturally, I would sleep-in hoping that a couple more hours would reset me.... that is until, the kids would routinely pull me out of bed just in time to take them to school. Once back home, I would jump right back into bed and continue sleeping well into the afternoon. 

    I tried to reason with the idea that perhaps family life in general was putting more of a demand on me than usual; my fatigue continued to worsen. Day after day, my hubby would come home to find me zonked-out on the couch while the kids were blaring their usual T.V. shows.

    In the meantime, new aches and pains began to surface - accompanied by creaking, popping sounds. I was starting to feel arthritic in my joints but never mentioned my newly developed symptoms to anyone in fear of admitting my dilemma. Though the stiffness was increasing, I was still stubborn about getting my jog in each morning. One day it became too painful to even walk. The soles of my feet felt as if I had just walked on a bed of nails. Fear paralized me when I realized my body was manifesting these godawful symptoms. I recall getting out of the shower one morning and observing myself in the mirror: I saw a skeletal thirty year old woman weighing in at ninety four pounds – and for once in my life, I feared the bathroom scale.

    I set out to see a doctor hoping for a diagnosis and a solution. But - four M.D's later, I was left hopeless, helpless, and severely deprived of my right to seek medical care. I am sad to say that Western medicine failed me and I became the latest victim of these words: "It's all in your head." Someone or something had pushed the pause button on my life and I went from living to existing....